Best Songs From Football Video Games

Pitch Perfect

Since soccer simulations became the staple of the video game market in the late nineties, their soundtracks have included the most fresh and groovy tunes of the day. From seasoned performers to breakthrough acts, artists from across the globe have taken a shot at the ever-growing virtual market, aiming to boost their popularity amongst the angry youths driven off street corners and onto their consoles.

Fatboy Slim, Keane and the Hoosiers have all scored hits after their tracks were featured with EA Sports' FIFA franchise. So, against such stiff competition, which songs have I got hidden in my historic boot locker?

Irish Blood English Heart - Morrissey (FIFA 05)
Kicking off my list is a classic tune of misanthropic protest from the most angry of former front men. In late 2004 adrenaline-pumped gamers were treated to a rant against Oliver Cromwell, party politics and nationalism. It was a left-field choice for both EA and Morrissey himself but the ex-Smith tuned into the petty antagonisms felt by thousands of control-twitching fanatics. Frankly, that nonchalant guitar intro was wasted on the banal menu screens.

Eat My Goal - Collapsed Lung (LMA Manager 2001)
Don't act coy; you know the chorus just as well as I do. LMA Manager thankfully dispensed with the verses entirely, playing the shortened version on a loop during each saving pause. However the game was only available on the first Playstation so it took a very long time to store any memory data. After a while Collapsed Lung's simple chant started to become ingrained in my own squishy pink memory card too. Ah, nostalgia!

Club Foot - Kasabian (Pro Evolution Soccer 5)
Club Foot is another classic footy anthem to get the blood pumping. Sky Sports has also been known to use its raving, shouty antics to get 'the lads' hyped before a big game. Most gamers would sit through the full loading intro just to hear the song again. For a track with some very odd lyrics, Kasabian's product is an absolute scorcher to jump around to. Why has their following output, including Empire, Fire and Shoot the Runner not found itself on a sports game yet?

Dy-Na-Mi-Tee - Miss Dynamite (FIFA 03)
Stop sniggering! History has been unkind to the Mercury-winning bad lass of early noughties R&B. Miss Dynamite's title track was perfect for anyone taking a break from the rigours of career mode to chill in the main menu. I may not be an expert on music but Dy-Na-Mi-Tee sounds like an original melody with plenty of exciting elements. The FIFA franchise has not had a particularly good record when it comes to grunge but this seems to be the closest EA made it to kitchen sink pop.

Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John (FIFA 10)
Ooh, I don't mind a bit of whistling. Of all the songs that have appeared in a FIFA game, Peter Bjorn and John's odyssey into Scandi-rootin'-tootin' is by far the most memorable. So what if it pretends to be an insufferable hipster?

Disagree? Post your own favourites below.  

Four Future Jobs for David Moyes

A Sporting Life

Ten disappointing months does not make a bad manager. David Moyes' tenure at Manchester United may have been deeply troubled but that won't perturb other prospective employers. As his time at Everton proved, the recently sacked Scotsman can still produce consistent results without large investment.

The beleaguered boss signals the Freemasons for help.

Plenty of clubs will be on the search for new staff this summer. Here is a list of some that could be waiting at the end of the dole queue. Whether Moyes would be tempted with an immediate return to football management is another matter.

Norwich City

Although a major step down for 'the mischosen one', if the Canaries can resist their gravitation towards relegation they will offer relatively secure prospects for future resurgence. Chris Hughton's impromptu dismissal showed there is a late flowering of ambition at Carrow Road.

The £13.5 million fee for Gary Hooper and Ricky Van Wolfswinkel during the last close season also indicates that the board are willing to invest. Even so, a slump into the Championship would rule out a coach of Moyes' ability and reputation unless his situation became desperate.

Newcastle United

Most pundits seem to think Alan Pardew could be fired at any moment. If the Magpies are plunged into the bottom half of the table, as appears increasingly likely after five straight defeats, Mike Ashley will sharpen his axe for the chop like a present day Henry VIII. It might take a week or six months but the former LMA Manager of the Year is skating on thin ice.

Ashley wants a subservient minion that can work on a restrictive budget without complaint. After a decade cooperating with Bill Kenwright's prudent financial policies at Goodison park, Moyes would be an ideal choice for the role in NE1. Tony Pulis is the only other candidate with an equally formidable record of Premier League survival.

Tottenham Hotspur

Logic seems to defy the rumours of Tim Sherwood's possible ousting after the current season has finished. Similarly to Moyes last year, the ex-England midfielder inherited a rotten squad of under-performing hustlers. Considering the panicked nature of his appointment, Sherwood has actually done a decent job. Anyhow, if Daniel Levy wants a new man he need look no further than Moyes.

Perhaps, despite his failings in Manchester, Ferguson's anointed successor will find a top four position easier to achieve at Spurs. Indeed, the North London club employed Andre Villas Boas for that purpose after an identically bleak period at Chelsea. Will Levy dare to deploy the same (unsuccessful) strategy again?

McDonald's

They are always recruiting.

The Masters of Golf Coverage

Caddy Fever

It was not just Ray Charles with Georgia on his mind last weekend. Once again the world of golf turned its gaze to the lush greens and pruned bunkers of Augusta to see Bubba Watson crowned with the historic green jacket.

Thankfully, the most relaxing sports coverage available to the license fee payer was again provided by the BBC. The Beeb has been racked by a year of shameful scandal but I would still not have the Masters shown by anyone else.

Bubba Watson was followed throughout his special weekend by a dedicated team of reporters, pundits and cameramen which granted the humble armchair viewer a glorious perspective on some fabulous putting action. The good folks at Sky Sports tried to pull in the crowds with Jack Nicklaus on their sofa. Judging by the response on Twitter though, it seems 'Auntie' knew best all along.

My own highlight of the weekend was Ken Brown's regular walk through from the green of each hole. These short pieces to camera really let Augusta's notoriously tricky course run wild in the viewer's imagination. The unmistakable sound of crackling bark and splashes of water in these segments created a real sense of the immaculately tamed nature in each manicured yard of Augusta.

Ken (I'm sure he won't mind being addressed by his first name) clearly has a wealth of experience in the game and has won many admirers with his calm approach to commentating. These exploits have even earned the affable Scotsman his own parody twitter account. Is there any greater honour?

In the paddock Rishi Persad was there to consolidate the swathes of deflated famous faces. Every question was delicately presented to prevent stirring the wrath of bitterly dejected contenders. Ian Poulter - he of the flamboyant trousers - described himself as 'raged' and 'disgusted' after a tough third round. His final 18 did not improve his mood much either. Persad did not pry; he simply allowed his interview subject to talk himself into a pit of melancholic regret. In contrast, there was a sympathetic tone for Lee Westwood (as always at the Masters) and a warm welcome for the weekend's surprise package, twenty-year old Jordan Spieth.

And what of the saintly Hazel Irvine? Well, the Scottish presenter is a national treasure beyond reproach. On the day that Britain becomes a republic she has my vote for president. Even if that never happens, somebody really ought to offer her the crown jewels before she retreats back across Hadrian's Wall for the last time.

Viewers are often more eager to criticise than to praise what they see on the box, but on this occasion I want to congratulate everyone involved in showing another fine tournament. Job well done. Now let's see how you cope with the Open.

Going the Distin

Ultimate Pro


Few players achieve a career as distinguished as Sylvain Distin. Since joining Newcastle United in 2001 the Frenchman  has spent 14 consecutive seasons in the Premier League. Along the way he has collected an FA Cup winners medal, 525 appearances and 9 top half finishes.

Even at the ripe old age of 36 Distin has proved to be one of Everton's most consistent players. He may not be a superstar but some praise for his steady contribution to English football is long overdue.

Bobby Robson, Kevin Keegan, Harry Redknapp and David Moyes are all managers to have valued Distin's talents as a solid centre back in their teams. Yet the veteran defender is not remembered with particular favour by fans of any of his former clubs.

No doubt some of this unpopularity is due to Distin's modest media profile. Humble enough to shirk publicity and the usual tabloid scandals, the ex-Portsmouth defender is clearly not a person that enjoys the limelight. Paul Scholes syndrome strikes again! Except, that is, Scholes scored goals; Distin does not - his record reveals 11 in the last 15 years. Clean sheets rarely get cheered on the terraces in the same way. If they were, his reputation might be more esteemed.

Another reason, however, for a lack of obvious endearment is Distin's unfortunate habit, throughout his career, of indulging in phases of laziness which can last for months on end. Like a bulkier version of Shola Ameobi, his occasionally lacklustre efforts come across as lethargic or plain complacent. It is a minor quibble but one which likely compounded Manchester City's conspicuous defensive troubles during his spell in Lancashire (well, they were managed by Kevin Keegan after all).

Moreover, Bagnolet's favourite son (population: 35,000) has consistently been quick to switch his allegiances to the highest bidder. All those contract renewals make for a tidy sum of money. Supporters have generally grown to accept this reality in modern football but not many are happy about it.

However, Sylvain proves that big is beautiful. Firm biceps, strong pecs, large gut; the ideal workman pro! As a master of the defensive arts, he does the simple things well and without fuss. Nobody beats this lad in the air. Duncan Ferguson? Andy Carroll? They don't stand a chance.

Nobody can be sure how long Distin can continue to play at the highest level except the man himself. Judging by his form this season, Roberto Martinez would be a fool to let him retire any time soon.

No Singing Canaries for Jobless Hughton

Woe betide a deluded chairman and support base

Norwich City have sacked Chris Hughton with five games of the season remaining. Let me just repeat that point: a team currently five points above the bottom three have dismissed their coach with only five matched left. Has Delia Smith and her boardroom pals lost the plot?

Chief executive David McNally says the owners had “no choice” but to make the drastic move. What thought process could possibly lead to that statement? Why wait until the eve of the team’s biggest game of the season before taking that step? The players must now compete against Fulham without the man who has led them to decent results in most of their showdowns with other relegation candidates. Bad timing is putting it lightly.

As long as Hughton remained in position Norwich were more likely safe than not. Much has been said of the Canaries’ daunting final four fixtures, including trips to Old Trafford and Stamford Bridge, but with the experienced leader on their touchline surrender would never have been an option.

Their home form has been an asset throughout the year and before Monday I couldn't see any of the bottom three gathering six points from a possible fifteen (8 from 24 for Sunderland) without even a modest reply from Carrow Road. After this recent announcement all that is in doubt.

Now, with a coach of no senior managerial experience hastily appointed, the Norfolk club have suicidally weakened their chances of survival. Neil Adams needs to be ready for a tough fight because he is about to receive a Premier League initiation from hell.

Recent history suggests that a dressing room revolution this late in the season only accelerates a squad’s plunge towards the Championship. Terry Connor had a rough ride with Wolves, Iain Dowie practically buried his career at Hull and even Alan Shearer could not save Newcastle’s plague-ridden ship from hitting the rocks in 2009. Thankfully for the Tynesiders, Hughton was on hand to manage the life boat amidst the wreckage.

Of course, in later times the discovery of his employee’s admirable honesty, dignity and humble spirit was too much for Mike Ashley to cope with so a totally unnecessary replacement was called for. Has history repeated itself at Norwich?

The consistent criticism of Hughton from the East Anglian faithful has been ridiculous to the point of lunacy. 26 goals scored may be a substandard total but few men could have squeezed more out of a particularly weak squad.

Let’s be honest; Norwich has not had a good team since Chris Sutton and Ruel Fox (who?) were on their books twenty years ago. A reality check is needed to spark the realisation that 17th is a respectable finish for a club of their stature in 2014.

I sincerely hope Hughton can eventually find a club that will appreciate his work properly. Meanwhile, if Norwich miraculously escape the worst repercussions of their decision this season then I suspect they will still be a lot worse off this time next year.

Will chairmen ever learn? Probably not.